Laws for the 21st Century

Laws For 21st Century Life

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you’ll have to pee.

Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy’s Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Red Cardinal Puzzles by lifejourneysimages
Create unique custom jigsaw puzzles at zazzle.com

Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

Brown’s Law: If the shoe fits, it’s really ugly.

Wilson’s Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it, or change it for the worse.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website, http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments appreciated

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them ?

 

Teen Essays

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

Cruise ship photo print by lifejourneysimages
Enlarge photos online at Zazzle.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy! comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. travelling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighbourhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

26. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

27. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

28. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

Make money doing what you love

This informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money ,often a full time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income as well.

 

You Know You've Had Enough of the Nineties When

you tried to enter your password on the microwave.
*
…you now think of three espressos as “getting wasted.”
*
…you haven’t played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.
*
…you have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
*
…you e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is
ready, and he e-mails you back “What’s for dinner?”
*
…your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.
*
…you chat several times a day with a stranger from South
Africa, but you haven’t spoken to your next door neighbor
yet this year.
*
…you didn’t give your valentine a card this year, but you
posted one for your e-mail buddies via a web page.
*
…your daughter just bought a C.D. of all the records your
college roommate used to play.
*
…you check your blow dryer to see if it’s Y2K compliant.
*
…your grandmother clogs up your e-mail Inbox, asking
you to send her JPEG files of your newborn so she can
create a screen saver.
*
…you pull up in your own driveway and use your cellphone
to see if anyone is home.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

 

Questions to Ponder

If a deaf kid swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Is there another word for synonym?

Isn’t a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

Is it possible to be totally partial?

What’s another word for thesaurus?

When it rains, why don’t sheep shrink?

Why is the word abbreviation so long?

When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there interstate freeways in Hawaii?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Why is it that when we transport something by car, it’s called shipment, but when we transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

Make money doing what you love!

I think it's raining

I Think It’s
Raining

A Russian couple was walking down the street
in Moscow one night,
when the man felt a drop hit his nose. “I think it’s raining” he
said to his wife.

“No, that felt more like snow to me” she
replied.

“No, I’m sure it was just rain” he said.

Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument
about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then, they saw a
minor communist party official walking toward them. “Let’s not
fight about it”, the man said, “Let’s ask Comrade Rudolph whether
it’s officially raining or snowing.”

As the official approached, the man said, “Tell us, Comrade Rudolph,
is it officially raining or snowing?”

“It’s raining, of course!” he replied, and walked
on.

But the woman insisted: “I know that felt like
snow!”

The man quietly replied: “Rudolph the Red knows rain,
dear!”

Follow me on Kindle and laugh along.

The Truth is

The Truth
Is….

Stupidity got us into this mess – why can’t
it get us out?
*
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred
grand.
*
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both
be
changed regularly and for the same reason.
*
There is always death and taxes; however death doesn’t get worse
every year.
*
I don’t mind going nowhere as long as it’s an interesting
path.
*
It hurts to be on the cutting edge.
*
If it ain’t broke, fix it till it is.
*
I don’t get even, I get odder.
*
I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to
it.
*
I plan on living forever. So far, so
good.
*
I am in shape. Round is a shape.
*
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for
it.
*
Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but
eventually you find a hair stylist you like.
*
You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking
chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
*
It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers
to
ask you the questions.
*
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at
the
right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting
moment.
*
Age doesn’t always bring wisdom, sometimes age comes
alone.
*
Life not only begins at forty, it begins to
show.
*
You don’t stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because
you stopped laughing.

laugh along on your Kindle.

A couple of groaners

A Couple of
Groaners

A stevedore was in charge of offloading the
wheat from the ships
at the harbor. Unfortunately the wheat was very moist and did not get
sucked up by vacuum too easily.

He approached the foreman for some advice and was told:
“If at first you don’t suck seed, try a drier
grain.”

*

Two chefs in Boston who were competing for the title of “Finest Fish
Fryer.” Their talents were about equal, their dishes equally
excellent.

However, at the last moment one of the chefs glazed his entry and
won
the title. “Alas!” lamented the other, “There but for the glaze of cod go 

I!”

Get your groaners on Kindle.

 

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

There has been much debate over the years about what the founding fathers meant about the separation of church and state. In recent times there has been much disinformation about how they actually believed, especially George Washington. In this short Ebook the author tries to explain how they actually felt.

Why

Why….?

Why is the third hand on the watch called
the second hand?
*
**If the shortest distance between two points is a line, why does
waiting
in one take so long?
*
**How does skating on thin ice get you into hot
water?
*
**When someone asks you, “A penny for your thoughts,” and you put
your
two
cents in, what happens to the other penny?
*
**If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow
that
electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
models
deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners
depressed?
*
**Should crematoriums give discounts for burn
victims?
*
**If someone has a mid-life crises while playing hide and seek, does
he
automatically lose because he can’t find himself?
*
**Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the
battery
is
dead?
*
**Why does sour cream have an expiration date?
*
**Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you.
Tell
him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
*
**If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys
and apes?

If you are so inclined, laugh along on your Kindle.

The world according to Frank and Earnest

---

The World According to Frank and Ernest

Notice! Take lettuce from top of stack, or
heads will roll!
*
Well, if Jerry Springer isn’t educational TV, why does it make
me feel so much smarter?
*
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a
computer.
*
I tried to get in touch with my inner child but he isn’t allowed to
talk to strangers.
*
I have to take my paycheck to the bank … it’s too little to go by
itself.
*
We’re lucky to have C-SPAN. Not many countries can watch
their government inaction.
*
Mountaintop Glue-Ru: “Stick to it! Stick with it! Stick it out!
Stick to your guns! Stick up for yourself! …”
*
I must be following my diet too closely … I keep gaining on
it.
*
Welcome to Megacomputer’s 24-hour helpline. If you have been
waiting LESS than 24 hours, please remain on the line
…
*
Whenever I’m in a mood to watch the world go by, I just keep
to the posted speed limit.

laugh along on your Kindle.

Words to live by

Words to Live
By

I don’t have an attitude problem. You have
a perception problem.
*
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three rights make a
left.
*
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain
whales?
*
Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
*
I’m not just a gardener, I’m a Plant Manager.
*
My reality check bounced.
*
I have not yet begun to procrastinate.
*
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day.
Tomorrow isn’t looking good either.
*
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they
make when they go flying by.
*
I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
*
There are two rules for ultimate success in life: 1. Never tell
everything you know.
*
Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without
it.

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