A Chick with long Legs

 A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the bartender asks for their order.

The man says, “I’ll have a beer” and turns to the ostrich. “What’s yours?” “I’ll have a beer too” says the ostrich.
The bartender pours the beer and says “That will be $3.40 please,” and the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again, and the man says”I’ll have a beer,” and the ostrich says “I’ll have the same.” Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This became a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. “The usual?” asks the bartender.”Well, it’s close to last call, so I’ll have a large Scotch” says the man. “Same for me” says the ostrich. “That will be $7.20” says the bartender. Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar.

The bartender can’t hold back his curiosity any longer. “Excuse me,sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?”

“Well,” says the man, “several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found this old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever needed to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money will be there.”

“That’s brilliant!” says the bartender. “Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!””That’s right! Whether it’s a gallon of milk,or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the man.

“That’s fantastic!” says the bartender. “You are a genius! … Oh, one other thing sir, what’s with the ostrich?”

The man replies, “Oh, my second wish was for a chick with long legs.”

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 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

The Boy on The Bicycle

It’s the day after Christmas and young Johnny rides his new bike up to a stop light where a policeman on his horse is waiting for the light to change.

The policeman looks over at Johnny and says, “Got that bike for Christmas, sonny?”

The youngster responds, proudly, “Ya, Santa brought it for me.”

The policeman then proceeds to write the young fellow a bicycle violation ticket for not having a reflector on the back bumper and hands it to him saying, “Well, next time you better tell him to put a light on it.”

Johnny looks at the citation, looks back up at the cop and says, “And did Santa bring you that horse?”

Humoring the youngster, the policeman answers, “Why, yes, he did.”

To which Johnny responds, “Well, next time you better tell him to put the dick underneath the horse, not on top.”

Gary is a travel writer and photographer living in Sarasota, Florida . He maintains a website featuring some of his travel photos and markets a line of products featuring many of his photos.

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The Duck and the Grapes

This duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, “Do you have any grapes?” The clerk says no, and the duck leaves.

The next day, the duck returns and asks, “Do you have any grapes?” The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves.

The day after that, the duck walks in the store again and asks “Do you have any grapes?” The clerk screams at the duck, “You’ve come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told you no everytime that we don’t have any grapes! I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I’ll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!”

The duck left, and returned the next day. This time he asked, “Do you have any nails?” The clerk replied, “No,” and the duck said, “Good! Got any grapes?”

Gary is a travel writer and photographer living in Sarasota, Florida. He maintains a website featuring some of his travel photos and markets a line of products featuring many of his photos.

Now you can follow me on Kindle.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

A narrative about what life in The United States was in our golden era, and how it became what it is, and offering solutions to enable us to once again travel the path to freedom and self reliance

 

The Bear Hunter

Every year, Bob goes hunting during bear season. One year, Bob goeshunting, and shoots a small brown bear. Then, the mother of that smallbrown bear comes up to him and says, ” I’ll give you two choices, I’lleither kill you, or make love to you, but I won’t let you go.”

Bob thinks on this, and decides he wants to live, so the mother bearthen makes love to him.

The next year, Bob goes hunting again, but this time, he shoots themother bear that he was forced to make love to the year before. Heshoots her, and her mother comes after Bob, and again, gives him thechoice. “I will make love to you, or kill you, which will it be??”

Again, Bob makes love to a bear.

The next year, Bob goes once again for revenge, and kills the bear thathe was forced to make love to the year before.

This time, her sister comes up to Bob and says, “You don’t come here forthe hunting, do you?”

Gary is a travel writer and photographer living in Sarasota, Florida. He maintains a website featuring some of his travel photos and markets a line of products featuring many of his photos.

Now you can follow me on Kindle.

A Fish Story

A Fishy Story

It was the perfect day for a little fishing, but after a while I ran out of bait.

Then a few feet up the shore I saw a snake with a frog in his mouth, and frogs are good bass bait.

Knowing the snake couldn’t bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket.

Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit.

After thinking about it for awhile, I had an idea: I grabbed my bottle of whiskey (hey, don’t laugh: it’s the best part of fishing!)and poured a little whiskey in its mouth.

Sure enough, his eyes rolled back, he went limp, and I released him without incident. I carried on my fishing with the frog. Caught a big bass, too!

A couple hours later I felt something brush my leg. I looked down and there was that same snake looking up at me. He had two frogs in his mouth.
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Camping supplies

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

A short story depicting adventures in the out back of Australia

 

 

My Dog Died

Keep your beer cold spiral notebook by lifejourneysimages
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A man rushes his limp dog to the veterinarian. The doctor pronounces the dog dead. The agitated man demands a second opinion.

The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat. The cat sniffs the body and meows. The vet says, “I’m sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too.”

The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.

The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body and barks. The vet says, “I’m sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead, too.”

The man finally resigns to the diagnosis and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, “$650.”

“$650 to tell me my dog is dead?” exclaims the man.

“Well,”the vet replies, “I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 is for the cat scan and lab tests.”

Now you can follow me on Kindle.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

 

Throughout man’s long history on earth,there has been one group of people who have carried the torch of liberty and freedom throughout the ages , from time immemorial until the present day. In these days their counsel is need more than ever.

 

The Blond and the Cuckoo

Who Wants to be a Millionaire?
A contestant Sally, on ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire?’
Had reached the final plateau.

If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000.
If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25,000
Milestone money.

And as she suspected the Million Dollar Question was no Pushover.

It was, ‘Which of the following species of birds does not build Its own
Nest but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds?

Is It:

A) the condor

the buzzard

C) the cuckoo

D) the vulture

The woman was on the spot….. She did not know the answer.

She had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Ask the Audience Lifeline……

All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline.

She hoped she would not have to use it because……..

Her Friend was,  Well, a blonde.

But she had no alternative.

She called her friend and gave her The Question and the four choices.

The blonde responded Unhesitatingly:

‘That’s easy…. The answer is C: the cuckoo.’

The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast.

She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving any Answer
Except the one that her friend had given her.

And considering her friend was a blonde that would seem to be The
Logical thing to do. But her friend had responded with such Confidence,

Such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be Convinced…

Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, ‘C: The cuckoo.’

‘Is that your final answer?’

‘Yes, that is my final answer.’

‘That answer is Absolutely correct!

You are now a millionaire!’

Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family And
Friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the Million Dollars.

‘Jeni, I just do not know how to thank you, ‘ said the Contestant.
‘How did you happen to know the right answer?’

‘Oh, come on,’ said the blonde ‘Everybody knows that cuckoos Don’t
Build nests. They live in clocks.’

Sally fainted !

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Travel the world from your armchair

A frog and a girl

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, “You are going to
meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about
you.”
The frog says, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or
what?”
“No,” says the psychic. “Next semester in her biology class.”

Travel the World From Your Armchair

Novelty Clothing

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The Dead Mule

A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking
company’s fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde ..

“Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine,’?”

asked the lawyer.

Clyde responded, “Well, I’ll tell you what happened… I had

just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie…”“I didn’t ask for any details”, the lawyer interrupted. “Just answer
the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m
fine!’?”Clyde said, “Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and

I was driving down the road…..” The lawyer interrupted again and said, “Judge, I am trying to establish
the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman
on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the
accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud.Please tell him to simply answer the question.”

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde ‘s answer and said to the lawyer, “I’d like to hear what he has to say

about his favorite mule, Bessie”.Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded.

“Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite

mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway

when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one

ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting,

real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible
shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a

Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he

looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his

gun and shot her between the eyes..

Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me and said, “How are you feeling?”
“Now what the hell would you say?” 

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 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?