Why did the Chicken cross the road

Why Did the Chicken Cross the
Road?

Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a
decent, hardworking American.
*
Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the
black man. The chicken crossed the “black man” in order
to trample him and keep him down.
*
Colonel Sanders: I missed one?
*
L.A. Police Department: Give us
five minutes with the chicken and we’ll find out.
*
Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road.
I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. I don’t know
any chickens. I have never known any chickens.
*
Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross
the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes!
The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed,
I’ve not been told!
*
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
*
Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where
all chickens will be free to cross roads without
having their motives called into question.
*
Grandpa: In my day, we didn’t ask
why the chicken crossed the road. Someone
told us that the chicken crossed the
road, and that was good enough for us.
*
Aristotle: It is the nature of
chickens to cross the road.
*
Karl Marx: It was an historical inevitability.
*
Saddam Hussein: This was an
unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite
justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on the chicken.
*
Ronald Reagan: What chicken?
*
Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no
chicken has gone before.
*
Freud: The fact that you are at
all concerned that the chicken crossed the
road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity
*
Bill Gates: I have just released Chicken Coop 98,
which will not only cross roads,but will lay
eggs, file your important documents, and
balance your checkbook and Explorer
is an inextricable part of the operating system.
*
Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move
beneath the chicken?
*
Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken.
However, I did ask Vernon Jordan to find the chicken a job in New
York.

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Cats

Cats

1) Cats do what they
want.

2) They rarely listen to
you.

3) They’re totally
unpredictable.

4) They whine when they are not
happy.

5) When you want to play, they want to
be alone.

6) When you want to be alone, they want
to play.

7) They expect you to cater to their every
whim.

8) They’re moody.

9) They leave hair
everywhere.

10) They drive you nuts and cost an arm
and a leg.

Conclusion: They’re tiny little
women in cheap fur coats.

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The Alligator Shoes

Sarah and the Alligator
Shoes

Sarah was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.
She wanted a
pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant
to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming
very frustrated with the “no haggle” attitude of one of the shopkeepers,
Sarah shouted, “Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator so I
can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!”

The shopkeeper said, “By all means, be my guest. Maybe you’ll luck
out
and catch yourself a big one!” Determined, Sarah turned and headed for
the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the
shopkeeper is driving home when he spots Sarah standing waist
deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot
alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature
and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying
nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper
watches in amazement.

Just then Sarah flips the alligator on it’s back, and frustrated,
shouts out, “Dang it, this one isn’t wearing any shoes
either!”

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Shane

Some of the most poignant moments I spend
as a
veterinarian are those spent with my clients assisting the
transition of my animal patients from this world to the
next. When living becomes a burden, whether from pain or
loss of normal functions, I can help a family by ensuring
that their beloved pet has an easy passing. Making this
final decision is painful, and I have often felt powerless
to comfort the grieving owners.

That was before I met Shane.

I had been called to examine a ten-year-old blue heeler
named Belker who had developed a serious health problem.
The dog’s owners – Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their little
boy, Shane – were all very attached to Belker and they were
hoping for a miracle. I examined Belker and found he was
dying of cancer.

I told the family there were no miracles left for
Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for
the old dog in their home. As we made arrangements, Ron and
Lisa told me they thought it would be good for the four-
year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt Shane
could learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as
Belker’s family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm,
petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he
understood what was going on.

Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.
The little boy seemed to accept Belker’s transition without
any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while
after Belker’s death, wondering aloud about the sad fact
that animal lives are shorter than human lives.

Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, “I
know why.”

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his
mouth next stunned me – I’d never heard a more comforting
explanation.

He said, “Everybody is born so that they can learn how
to live a good life – like loving everybody and being nice,
right?” The four-year-old continued, “Well, animals already
know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay as
long.”

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 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

I have found over the years that there is no such thing as reality, it is only how we perceive it. Each of us may have a different view of it because of our different beliefs and experiences. Two individuals can be sitting side by side, looking at the same event and “see” two entirely different outcomes based on their individual perceptions.

My books are available in both Hard Copy and Ebook format.

The Talking Dog

A guy is out looking for garage sales and he sees a sign in front of a house: “Talking Dog For Sale.”

He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes around the house and into the backyard and sees a nice-looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black lab just sitting there.

“You talk?” he asks.

“Yep,” the lab replies.

“So, what’s your story?

The lab looks up and says, “Well, I discovered this gift pretty young
and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift,
and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in
rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would
be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years
running, but the jetting around really tired me out. I knew I wasn’t
getting any younger and I really wanted to settle down.”

“Wow!” the guy says. “Then what?”

“So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover
security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening
in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch
of medals. I had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I’m retired.”

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

“Ten dollars.”

“This dog is amazing!” he says. “Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”

“Because he’s a liar!” the owner says. “I heard what he told you. He didn’t do any of that stuff.”

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The German Shepherd and the Rabbit

 

One day an old German Shepherd takes off chasing rabbits and soon discovers he is lost.  After
wandering around for a bit he sees a panther heading toward him with
the intention of having lunch.   
The old German Shepherd thinks, “Oh, oh! I’m in deep doo-doo now!”  Noticing some bones on the
ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with
his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap,
the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious
panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?”
   
Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of
terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. “Whew!,” says
the panther, “That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!”
   
Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he
can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the
panther. So, off he goes.  The squirrel soon catches up with the
panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the
panther.
   
The young panther is furious at being made a fool of
and says, “Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what’s going to
happen to that conniving canine!”
   
Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and
thinks, “What am I going to do now?,” but instead of running, the dog
sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them
yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German
Shepherd says…”Where’s that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to
bring me another panther!”
   
Moral of this story…
    Don’t mess with the old dogs… Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
    (BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.)
   
If you don’t send this to five ‘old’ friends right away, there will be five fewer people laughing in the world.
   
Of course, I am in no way insinuating that any of you are old, some are just more ‘youthfully challenged’.
   
You did notice the size of the print, didn’t you?

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Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

Make money doing what you love

This informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money ,often a full time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income as well.

 

The Corporate Lesson

 

A Corporate
Lesson

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing
all day.
A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I
also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”

The crow answered: “Sure, why not.”
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and
rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit
and ate it.

Moral of the story is: To be sitting and doing
nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Funny? Follow me on Kindle.

The author has been a writer/photographer for over thirty years. Specializing in nature and landscape photography, as well as studying native cultures.

His travels have taken him to most of the United States, as well as Australia, Belize, Egypt and the Canary Islands.

He has studied the Mayan culture of Central America as well as the aborigines of Australia. Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in various parts of the world.

He has published several books about his adventures.

For more information, please consult his website,www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments welcome

The Applicant

The Applicant

A business was looking for office help. They
put a sign in
the window, stating the following:

HELP WANTED

Must be able to type, have computer skills, and be
bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.

A dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went
inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail,
then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined a bit.

Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The
office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say
the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him
into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on a chair and stared
at the manager. The manager said “I can’t hire you. The sign
says you have to be able to type.”

The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded
to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted
over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back up
on the chair.

The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, “The sign
also says you have to be good with a computer.”

The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The
dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect spreadsheet
that worked flawlessly the first time.

By this time, the manager was totally dumb-founded! He
looked at the dog and said, “I realize that you are a very
intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However,
I still can’t give you the job.”

The dog jumped down and went over to a copy of the sign
and put his paw on the sentence about being an Equal
Opportunity Employer.

The manager said “Yes, but the sign also says that you
have to be bilingual.” The dog looked at that manager calmly
and said, “Meow.”

Funny? Follow me on Kindle.

The author has been a writer/photographer for over thirty years. Specializing in nature and landscape photography, as well as studying native cultures.

His travels have taken him to most of the United States, as well as Australia, Belize, Egypt and the Canary Islands.

He has studied the Mayan culture of Central America as well as the aborigines of Australia. Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in various parts of the world.

He has published several books about his adventures.

For more information, please consult his website,www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments welcome

Each generation from the beginning of our country has contributed to what our country has become. By the same token, no one is perfect. Consequently, each generation has done and will continue to perform acts that it would have been better if some other course of action was taken.
The baby boomers have contributed much and have been blamed for the decline of America. What is the true story?

The Mermaid

The Mermaid
One day three men are out having a relaxing
day fishing, when suddenly
they catch a mermaid. After hauling the mermaid up in a net, she
promises that if the men set her free, in return she will grant
each of them a wish.

The first man doesn’t believe it so he says, “Alright, if you can
really
grant wishes, then double my IQ.”

The mermaid says, “Done” and suddenly, the first man starts to
flawlessly recite Shakespeare and analyze it with extreme
insight.

The second man is so amazed, he looks at the mermaid and says,
“Triple
my IQ.”

The mermaid says, “Done” and the second man starts to recite
solutions
to all of the mathematical problems that have been stumping all of the
scientists in various fields from physics to chemistry,
etc.

The third man is so enthralled with the changes in his friends, he
says to the mermaid: “Quintuple my IQ.”

The mermaid looks at him and says, “You know, I normally don’t try
to
change people’s minds when they make a wish, but I really wish you’d
reconsider.”

The man responds, “Nope, I want you to increase my IQ times five,
and
if you don’t do it, I won’t set you free.”

“Please,” said the mermaid “You don’t know what you’re
asking…it’ll
change your entire view on the universe. Won’t you ask for something
else… a million dollars, anything?”

But no matter what the mermaid said, the third man insisted on
having
his IQ increased by five times it’s usual power.

So the mermaid finally relented and said, “Done.”

The third man became a woman.

Now you can follow me on Kindle.

The author has been a writer/photographer for over thirty years. Specializing in nature and landscape photography, as well as studying native cultures.

His travels have taken him to most of the United States, as well as Australia, Belize, Egypt and the Canary Islands.

He has studied the Mayan culture of Central America as well as the aborigines of Australia. Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in various parts of the world.

He has published several books about his adventures.

For more information, please consult his website,www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments welcome

The Dog and the Funeral

philosophy posters by lifejourneysimages
See another framed artwork on Zazzle

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he
noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby
cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50
feet behind the first one.

Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.

Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file. The
man couldn’t stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man
walking the dog and said, “I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a
bad time to disturb you, but I’ve never seen a funeral like this.
“Whose funeral is it?”

“My wife’s.”

”What happened to her?”

The man
replied, “She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her.”

He inquired further, “But who is in the second hearse?”

The man answered, “My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.”

A very poignant and touching moment of brotherhood and silence passed between the two men.

“Can I borrow the dog?”

The man replied, “Get in line.”

Zen and the art of Motorcycle Maintenance.

Now you can follow me on Kindle.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?