Puns

Some Puns

An Indian Success Story
Old Chief Gnarled Oak, was turned into a millionaire by
the discovery of oil on his reservation. He fell into the
yuppie temptation, and he was particularly proud and
pleased when his two boys were accepted into the swanky
yacht club. For years, it seemed, his one consuming
ambition was to see … his red sons in the sail set.
(By Bennett Cerf)

The Panhandler
A panhandler was caught trying to sneak aboard a Princess
liner about to embark on a three-day trip to the Bahamas.
He was caught by the Purser who threw him off the ship
telling him, …Beggars can’t be cruisers.

The General’s Funeral
The famous general died and his ashes were to be taken to Arlington
National Cemetery. All the air lines were booked and there were no
other planes available. Someone came up with the idea of using a
helicopter. It arrived at 5:00 A.M. The newspapers reported the
incident with the headlines, … “The Whirly Bird Gets The
Urn”

The Tilde
As has been pointed out, that “~” thing is called a “tilde:. Walt
Whitman was one of the most avid advocates of it’s usage, and until
his death he devoted untold hours making others aware of it’s
potential. So today, as I use that little button on the upper left of
my keyboard, I often feel like … Walt’s in my tilde.

Indecision
The confused young man couldn’t decide whether to marry Kathryn or
Edith. Try as he might, he just could not make up his mind. Unwilling
to give up either, he strung them along for far too long. This
indecision continued until both young women got tired of the situation
and left him for good. Moral of the story: … You can’t have your
Kate and Edith, too. (By Bennett Cerf)

New Coin
A spokesperson for the U.S. Mint announced that a new fifty-cent
piece was being issued to honor two great American patriots. On one
side of the coin would be Theodore Roosevelt, on the other, Nathan
Hale. Asked why two people were going to be on the same coin, the
official replied, … “Now, when you have a coin toss, you can simply
call “Teds, or Hales!”

Moonlighting
Two contestants on a TV game show were in the final round. Mr. Cohn
was way ahead of Mr. Schine, but just as the buzzer was rung, Schine
slipped ahead, and won! When asked what prize he wanted, Mr. Schine
stated that he wanted a horse. The game show host asked why, and was
told, “I want a horse so I can name it ‘Harvest Moon.'” Then, I can
have a portrait painted, and call it … “Schine on Harvest
Moon.”

The Wedding Gift
A female snake charmer was wooed by an undertaker and accepted his
offer of marriage. They received many gifts at the wedding but their
favorite was a set of towels embroidered with the words…. “hiss and
hearse”

The Coal Miner
A news item this morning was about a local coal miner. It seems
that
his avocation was painting, but since he couldn’t afford to buy
canvasses he simply painted on the wall of his small cottage.
Unfortunately, a gang of youths broke into his cottage earlier this
week and defaced his paintings. Yesterday the young miscreants were
charged in court with having … “corrupted the murals of a
miner.”

Laugh along with me on Kindle.

The stage

The Stage

During a performance for the high school
drama class at the local
theatre, a hole was cracked in the stage floor. Subsequent acts managed
to avoid the damaged area until little Freddy, juggling bowling pins,
accidentally stepped through the hole up to his
knee.

He apologized to the audience for his clumsiness. But a heckler in
the
back of the theatre shouted:

“Don’t worry, Freddy! It’s just a stage you’re going
through!”

Laugh with me on Kindle.

St. Thomas Cemetary

What self respecting shore excursion wouldn’t include a visit to a cemetery?

Decorative Tomb in Saint Thomas

As  we departed the cruise ship the guide mentioned we would be stopping at a cemetery.  I thought it was a little strange and although I had never been on a shore excursion before that actually stopped at a cemetery, I  assumed it was part of the regular tour.

Above ground burial vaults

As we departed the parking the answer became apparent. It just so happened there were a large group of funeral directors on board the ship, some of which decided to go on the same tour we were on.

Because of their occupation, they requested to see a cemetery in St. Thomas. Since I had lived and grown up in Batesville Indiana, the home of one of the largest casket factories in the United States, I could relate. As a child , a lot of our daily conversation centered around the manufacture of caskets, along with this came the usual jokes, like people are just dying to use our products and we get no customer complaints.

An interesting feature of all cemeteries in areas that are at sea level or below, they are buried above ground so that when flooding occurs, the remains are protected from the flood waters.

It became an enjoyable experience as most of the funeral directors knew where Batesville was, and many had visited there.As a result many knew some of the same people I did. That is always nice when traveling far from home.

When visiting Saint Thomas ,don’t forget to check out the cemetery.

Now you can follow my travel adventures on Kindle.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website, http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments appreciated

This informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money ,often a full time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income as well

 

Wisdom from Seniors

Wisdom From
Seniors

When did my wild oats turn to prunes and
all bran?
*
I finally got my head together, now my body is falling
apart.
*
Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded.
*
All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.
*
If all is not lost, where is it?
*
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
*
The first rule of holes: if you are in one, stop
digging.
*
I tried to get a life once, But they told me they were out of
stock.
*
I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway
though.
*
It was so different before everything changed.
*
Some day’s you’re the dog, and some day’s you’re the
hydrant.
*
Nostalgia isn’t what it use to be.
*
Old programmers never die. They just terminate and stay
resident.
*
A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.
*
I wish the buck stopped here! I could use a few.
*
Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat
cause
kids.
*
It’s not the pace of life that concerns me, it’s the sudden stop at
the end.
*
It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been
anywhere.
*
Living on Earth is expensive, But it does include a trip around the
sun.
*
The only time the world beats a path to your door is if your in the
bathroom.
*
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my
knees.
*
Never knock on death’s door, ring the bell and run (he hates
that).
*
Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way
myself).
*
When you are finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else
decide to play chess.
*
If you are living on the edge, make sure your wearing your
seatbelt.
*
There are two kinds of pedestrians. The quick and the
dead.
*
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other
toys.
*
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
*
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can
die.
*
Its not hard to meet expenses; they are everywhere.
*
Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better
attorney.
*
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the
depth.

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Past Lives: Is it Important to know?

YOUR FAVORTIE ESOTERIC SUPERSTORE

Many people don’t realize how important past life research can be.

 

Our spirit and our remembrance of our past lives are just as much a part of our life as our physical bodies are. Even though many people have no concept of a past life or what it means, they are very important in the evolvement of our soul.

 

Souls establish a pattern throughout each life, many times following the same path, although in a slightly different way than previously sought. This doesn’t mean that each soul’s life experience will be identical to the last, far from it. Anyone who has done any research will probably find several different life paths ranging from possibly being an important political figure to being a peasant farmer.

 

However, most lives will follow a pattern, if you were a political leader in one life, you will have many lives in this career field. Many people find they have had many lives as some sort of spiritual leader or student, often times exploring different beliefs and different persuasions.

 

Most have had lives featuring different sexual persuasions, as well as being of a different ethnic group. For the soul to complete it’s journey and advance to the next dimension, it must experience the whole of creation.

 

Despite the fact you may be living a similar life as in the past, you are a different person now and your soul is different also. Just as you are a different person now than when you were a teenager, your soul is different than in a previous life.

 

We all come in with at least one mission in life as well as several different sub missions as well. For example, in one life you may want to work on something of a worldly nature and have much influence, in another life you may be working on something of a more personal nature such as honesty or generosity. You may even come in to take life easy and make a vacation out of it, or you may come in to work on a relationship with a significant other. Also, your mission may change as you enter different phases of life and different souls enter your reality.

 

These pre-life plans were arranged by your soul with the help of ethereal guides and helpers, all to advance the learning you receive from conquering life’s challenges. As your life drama unfolds, your former self and those you most actively remember will assist you in every way they can to make sure you  complete your mission here on earth.

 

It is certain that your former self is constantly checking in on you, and providing you with the spiritual guidance you need to get the most out of your life.

 

Most often, the past lives you will connect to and be in tune with in this lifetime are the ones that are relevant to what your life mission is . In other words, if your life mission is to have a so called normal family life and be a support to your family and friends and you had several life times where you were extremely involved in politics, if politics doesn’t fit into your life plane this time around, you may have a passing interest in the political world, but it won’t be a big issue in your life. By the same token, if you have a hobby you are passionate about, such as photography, it means you probably were an artist in some past lifetime.

 

Many times individuals have memories of times from the past they carry with them and only think they are fantasies of the mind or possibly an interest in history from a particular period in time when in reality these memories are gentle reminders of a time in the past. Often times if they are ignored, the gentle reminders will become more and more pronounced until they can no longer be ignored.

Once an individual’s attention is captured, there is no turning back, you are in for the ride of your life. A journey that will take you to
dimensions unimagined and your spiritual growth will kick into high gear. Your life will never be the same.

For the latest updates on the unusual and mind stretching subjects, follow me on Kindle.

The author has been a writer/photographer for over thirty years. Specializing in nature and landscape photography, as well as studying native cultures.

His travels have taken him to most of the United States, as well as Australia, Belize, Egypt and the Canary Islands.

He has studied the Mayan culture of Central America as well as the aborigines of Australia. Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in various parts of the world.

He has published several books about his adventures.

For more information, please consult his website,www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments are welcome

At this period of time in the history of man, there is probably more individual searching being done into the theories behind the origin of the human race, what happens after death, the possibility of life on other planets, and what our relationship is to these life forms, if they do exist. There are millions of people who are questioning the existence of God, who he really is, and what is my relationship with him? Is he someone who mysteriously floats around on a cloud watching and judging us from above like some bigger than life Santa Claus, or is he, like many of the esoteric sciences claim, a part of our inner Self, whom we have constant contact with, someone whom we and everything in the universe are connected and are thus one? Each of us in our own way is experiencing what God is, and thus we are each a part of God, thus we are God! This book is a brief account of my search for my own truth as I know it today, everything stated actually happened, according to my own perception. It has been an exciting search,at times very frustrating, very rewarding, and above all, very fulfilling. My main purpose in writing this book is to show that anyone, even a bashful unfamous country boy can have these awakenings, you don’t have to be rich or well-known to find your connection to Divine Source.

Available in both PAPERBACK and EBOOK format.

Nate and Sam

Nate and Sam

While hiking in the woods, Nate and Sam found
this huge rock which
had an old iron lever attached to it. Etched into the rock was the
following inscription:

“If this lever is pulled, the world will come to an
end!”

Nate wanted to pull the lever and see what would happen, but Sam,
being a paranoid pessamist, greatly feared this! He said to Nate that
if he tried to pull the lever, he’d shoot him! In a daring attempt, Nate
lunged for the lever, and sure enough, Sam shot him! What is
the moral of this story?

Better Nate than lever!

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Writing Your Life Story

We are each in charge of our destiny

Regardless of your life circumstances and the difficulties you may
face, you are in charge of your life. No one else can run  it for you.
The trials we all face in life are many times just tests we encounter to
help us decide how determined we are to reach our goals .

Many
times the future we want can be elusive and take a large amount of
effort to attain. Often times we have karma to deal with as well as our
own insecurities.In the process,we often learn that the destination
isn’t nearly important as the journey and what we learn while traveling
down the road of life.

Regardless
of how long it takes to find your bliss, there are several key factors
one needs to remember and never lose sight of.

Find
your passion, your reason for living. Each day is a new beginning, turn
those so called negative events in your life into something positive,
you are living the life you are for a reason. Turn your passion into
your life’s mission, don’t ask what the world needs, ask what makes you
come alive and do it. the world needs people who come alive in the
pursuit of what inspires them.

Once
you find your passion, work hard on it. Break out of your comfort zone
and become comfortable with new surroundings and challenges. Don’t be
afraid to dream big and create the reality you desire.

We are what we think.

Live
your own life, not the life someone would choose for you, pursue a path
,but be willing to change course if necessary. There are many paths one
can take to accomplish your goal, change direction if necessary, but
move forward.

Remember
to let go of the past, the past taught you many lessons, but let go of
the negative emotions that you may be still clinging  to. It won’t
always be easy and you will meet obstacles along the way,but keep going
when the going gets tough. All successful people have experienced many
ups and downs along the way. The winners keep going until the goal is
accomplished.

Don’t
forget to stop and smell the roses along the way, it’s more about the
journey than the destination. Spend time with people you care about and
love doing things you enjoy doing. Life can be short, don’t accomplish
your goals without enjoying the journey along the way.

Learn
valuable lessons along the way, accept new ideas and remember the
problems are challenges sent our way so we may learn important lessons.

Appreciate
the little things in life that mean so much and live an honorable life,
always do the right thing regardless of if you think some other action
would be more profitable to you. It isn’t worth it to do
otherwise,sooner or later improper or unethical actions always come back
to haunt us.

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Words to live by

Words to Live
By

I don’t have an attitude problem. You have
a perception problem.
*
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three rights make a
left.
*
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain
whales?
*
Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
*
I’m not just a gardener, I’m a Plant Manager.
*
My reality check bounced.
*
I have not yet begun to procrastinate.
*
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day.
Tomorrow isn’t looking good either.
*
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they
make when they go flying by.
*
I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
*
There are two rules for ultimate success in life: 1. Never tell
everything you know.
*
Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without
it.

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Lorraine

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Lorraine

There was a guy and he had a girlfriend called
Lorraine. She very
pretty and he liked her a lot. One day he went to work to find that a
new girl had started working there. Her name was Clearly and she
was absolutely gorgeous.

He began to like her and after a while it became obvious that she
was interested in him too. But, he was a loyal man and he wouldn’t
get involved with Clearly while he was still going out with
Lorraine.

He decided that there was nothing for him to do but to break up
with Lorraine and date the new girl. He planned several times to
tell Lorraine but he couldn’t bring himself to do
it.

One day as they were walking along the river bank, Lorraine slipped
and fell in to the river. The current carried her off and she
drowned.

The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling
and
singing…………

“I can see Clearly now Lorraine is gone…”

Planet Earth as You’ve Never Seen it Before

have jokes delivered to your Kindle.

 

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

Make money doing what you love

This informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money ,often a full time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income as well.

 

Find You Train,Complete Your Mission

There are many events in the world today one can become concerned about and thus we think they should affect our life.

If a train doesn’t stop at your station, it’s not your train.We need to remember, especially in this day and age, with so many important issues coming before us, we as individuals can’t solve all the problems of the world.

We don’t have the ability or time to solve each and every problem the world faces. We need to remember what our original mission was and follow through on it. What talents do we possess and how can we best use them to make the world a better place?

Many of us remember lives in the past when we were able to accomplish great and noble deeds for humanity. Sometimes these memories can get in the way of our mission in life this time around. Because of this, many can feel a sense of guilt because they can’t or don’t want to do more. This is OK, you did your part last time, this time maybe you are resting and enjoying a life of leisure,or maybe what you do will be on a more personal level, where you can help one person at a time. This is important and sometimes more important than helping the masses.

Society  many times advances one step at a time, we each help one, then they help one, and soon many are helping many. Before we realize it, great changes have taken place in the lives of the masses.

You have then accomplished your life mission without doing seemingly great deeds. In today’s world , we face many issues. Most have come about because of the decline in moral principles and values. In the United States, many don’t know or realize what made this country great, many ignore or don’t even know what our constitution and Declaration of Independence stand for.

Many look to government to solve all their problems. They have forgotten that the government doesn’t give us rights, we give rights to the government. We get our rights from God. Until the good citizens of our country again realize this important fact, we will continue down the path of decline.

To turn our country around won’t be accomplished overnight, and it will have to be done on a personal and one on one basis. Many helping many. With this in mind, find your train and get on board.

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